ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Alive.
So much puke
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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