i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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