Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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