Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
my liver is dry heaving
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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