I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
