I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
