I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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