my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
