Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
