The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
