did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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