I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
