He uses pillows to masturbate.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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