it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need water and some morals
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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