I can tuck mytits in my pants
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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