I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The feeling are messing with the penis
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
