my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
barbara walters just said penis...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
