Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
