Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
