i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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