.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
