ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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