i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
