i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
