if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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