one word: firstdatebathroomanal
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why can't burritos get me drunk
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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