At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
