yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
