you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
