I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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