I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
