He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're a waste of cheezeits
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
