Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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