Someone shit on the floor
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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