Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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