The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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