these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
