so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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