i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
