It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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