Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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