I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Plan B is the new Plan A
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
