Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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