You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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