Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
