I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
