Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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