Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
