redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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