The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize