i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There's a naked man in my car right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
