I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
