yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
