I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
