Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
home. puking in laundry basket.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
