420 ftw
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
