well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
