You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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