"it" just moved
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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