I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
