I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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