1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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