I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Randomize