i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
