May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
